How To Overcome Premature Ejaculation And Get Back To Satisfying Sex For Both Partners

One in five men under sixty is affected by premature ejaculation. It is a common condition, but that does not lessen the suffering, embarrassment and frustration for those who are affected.

If you have been suffering from premature ejaculation, whether for a lifetime or only recently, you don’t have to let it affect your relationship or create embarrassment any longer. There are solutions and we can help you find your way back to satisfying sex with your partner.

Premature ejaculation is a condition that is defined differently depending on the group, but one of the most common definitions is that it is where a man ejaculates sooner^[1] than he would like.

Some define it as a man who ejaculates within one minute of penetrative intercourse, or a condition in which the man’s sexual partner is unable to get sufficient duration of penetration to reach orgasm.

However you define it, it is a frustrating, often embarrassing condition, that creates stress for the individual man and both partners in the relationship.
 

1. Get a check-up by your Regular Doctor

It’s always important to rule out any problems that could be causing the premature ejaculation or dysfunction of the penis by your regular doctor.

Have them check your cardiovascular health, hormone levels, and the general health of your pelvis and reproductive organs to make sure that everything is normal.

They may advise you to try vasodilators, antidepressants, natural testosterone supplements or injections or a PDE5 inhibitor^[1] such as Viagra, Cialis, Levitra or Stendra if you are also having problems achieving a full erection.

Ask lots of questions and see if there’s something that may help you to maintain your erection.
 

2. Start your Kegels

Women who do these exercises also have more pleasurable sex. It is recommended to do Kegel exercises three times a week for twenty minutes to see a reduction of premature ejaculation in your sexual encounters.
 

3. Change how you Masturbate

If you have been masturbating quickly, now is the time to change how you masturbate. Slow down your breathing as you masturbate and practice relaxing your body and mind with your breath.

As you approach the point of no return before ejaculating, stop moving, breathe back from your penis, pulling your breath up to your spinal column, place pressure on the base of the penis by squeezing your fingers on both the top and bottom of the shaft.

After the feeling to ejaculate has passed, continue on, doing this edging practice^[2] several times before finishing.
 

4. Get some Bodywork

The body is composed of one giant web of connective tissue or fascia. Fascia gets injured easily and releases extra collagen tightening the area to protect it and speed up healing.

Over time, however, this tightness can pull on other tissues and organs of the body, reducing the motion of the diaphragms during inhalation and exhalation, and can contribute to poor circulation, worsening sexual problems.

Find a bodyworker who works with the fascia and craniosacral systems, as a hands-on Osteopath for example, and you will see improvement not only in your sexual health but your sleep, digestion and overall wellbeing.
 

5. Go to Therapy

Behavioral therapy and antidepressants are both frequently prescribed for premature ejaculation and other sexual problems.

Many antidepressants can prolong ejaculation in anyone, which can be helpful for men who ejaculate sooner than they would like, but it can also dull the sensation of sex or make it really difficult to orgasm.

This is why we don’t recommend antidepressants, but rather to seek out a psychologist, behavioral therapist or sex therapist for you as an individual.

Premature ejaculation comes from the mind and emotions, and this is where you must work if you want lasting results and enjoy great sex for the rest of your life.

It can also be very helpful to seek out a therapist for both of you as a couple, as therapy is very effective at improving the relationship and your sex life.

After experiencing the stress of premature ejaculation, there will likely be some repair needed in the relationship. Premature ejaculation is ultimately a condition of the mind, so therapy^[3] is where your greatest work will take place to overcome premature ejaculation.
 

6. Numbing creams and positions that work

Numbing creams have been shown in studies to provide some small assistance in certain individuals in prolonging your erection.

Additionally, having your partner avoid certain sexual positions that immediately trigger ejaculation can help you last longer until you’ve built up more strength and endurance during sex.
 

7. Other ways to please her until you heal

Vaginal sex is not the only way to have sex with a woman. If you are ejaculating too soon, give your partner lots of oral and manual sex, including learning how to use two fingers in place of your penis until you resolve your premature ejaculation.

Combining forms of stimulation will bring her the most pleasure, so combining vaginal stimulation with nipple, clitoral, anal, or any other type of stimulation he or she likes will be the best way to give your partner really satisfying orgasms that leave you and them feeling good.

For many women, they would prefer naked cuddling, kissing, massaging and other forms of intimacy to penetrative sex, so explore these realms as well.
 

8. Talk to your Partner

Many men simply hide their premature ejaculation by avoiding sex, making excuses, holding their breath and having sex in a particular position, or unfortunately, blaming their partners for what is happening.

Your premature ejaculation is not your partner’s fault. It is not caused by them wearing sexy clothes or doing something wrong.

Premature ejaculation comes from your own mind, and you must do the work on your own feelings and emotions that are at the root of this problem to get lasting results and have satisfying sex that pleases both partners.
 

Takeways

Premature ejaculation is especially painful because it brings up feels of inadequacy, failure and emasculation.

Remember that all men feel these feelings at times, and that premature ejaculation is not failure, but an opportunity to go deeper into who you are and heal your mind and body in a more complete and fulfilling way.

It is also an opportunity to go deeper in your intimate relationships and discover that you can be yourself with a woman and be loved, adored and respected. Many men with premature ejaculation don’t feel safe to be themselves with women.

You can overcome premature ejaculation if you’re willing to put the work in. Take even better care of yourself, find a great therapist, see your doctor for blood work, practice edging, get bodywork and start doing Kegels to build strength and endurance.

Follow these steps and you will find a solution for premature ejaculation and get back to a satisfying sex life quickly, or maybe discover it for the first time.

Dr. Lauren Brim

Lauren Brim, Ph.D is a doctor of human sexuality who is changing the conversation we have about sex.... [Read Full Bio]